dawnbreakingblogdotcom

Turning depression around

Two-faced

on 23/09/2013

People living with depression are among the most devious, conniving, two-faced people you’re ever likely to come across.  We’re so good at it, we have you all fooled, most of the time at least.

We’ll tell you things we don’t mean.  We’ll let you down at the last minute with some half-hearted excuse that barely holds itself together.  We’ll lie blatantly to your face, or more likely, over the phone, by text, or by email, because we don’t want to bring you down to our level by physically spending time with you.

It’s not that we’re being insincere or malicious.  We genuinely don’t want you to know the truth about us and our lives.  If you did, you’d worry about us, almost as much as we worry about ourselves.  From the bottom of our hearts, we don’t want that for you.  The closer you are to us, the less we want you to know.  The closer you are to us, the more barriers we put in your way.  The closer you are to us, the more likely you are to force us to confront our own truth.

It’s a truth that we don’t want to admit to ourselves, and if we admit it others, it becomes real.  If we can’t handle that truth, how can we expect you to?  How could you understand something that we can’t properly explain to ourselves?  The effort of trying to make sense of it all is far greater than the effort of forcing that smile, that laughter, that “yeah, everything’s fine – no complaints!”.

But as close as you are, maybe you can see the cracks in  the mask from where we try too hard to pretend that we’re just as well as the rest of the world.  If you can see through those cracks, you might just catch a glimpse of the pain on our true face.  Can you convince us to draw the mask away?

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